Ask Me Anything Sexual Abuse Recovery - Start living the life that you were intended before it was taken away from you. Kicking Abuse in the Ass memoir now Available on Amazon.

Kim O'Hara
Mar 26, 2018

As I was writing my memoir on my recovery from sexual abuse, my whole life started to change.  I leaned heavily on  the writing process ot navigate the trickery and deceit of suppressed abuse memories, and renewed my relationships with sexuality, earning power, spirituality, parenting and romance.  I rose like a phoenix from the ashes to a life of happiness and fulfillment.

I would like to answer any questions you may have on this subject, and if you would like deeper work, order my book to do my signature writing prompts.

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What can people do to help put an end to violence against women?
Apr 2, 6:00PM EDT0
What do you want women and girls to watch out for in their relationships?
Apr 2, 6:00PM EDT0
What are your methods for coping up changed over time?
Apr 2, 4:13PM EDT0

My methods are I have a better handle on the fact that I am a) no longer in fear of danger so I can stop fleeing emotionally and physically b) I also trust myself because I allowed the healing process.  Therefore, while I stlll have moments of fear, I have a lot of tools to cope like spirituality and ultimately self love.

Apr 2, 4:19PM EDT0
Will you tell us a little bit about your attacker?
Apr 2, 3:41PM EDT0

It was my dad and he didn't attack me.  He came in my room nightly and used methods of soothing me to be sexual with me.  I trusted his process, and while some part of me knew it was wrong and disassociated, I also liked the connection with my primary male caretaker.  That is where the shame starts to sprout. 

Apr 2, 4:20PM EDT0
What have you learned from other survivors about the healing process?
Apr 2, 9:59AM EDT0

I have worked with many courageous women who have survived various forms of abuse or self sabotage due to messaging from childhood. They have taught me so much and I’m so grateful for their honesty. 

Apr 2, 12:21PM EDT0
Are you going to work on another book anytime soon?
Apr 1, 3:30PM EDT0

Yes! My next book is a sequel so to speak. What happens when life starts to open up and blossom. We get new challenges. The book focuses on love and loneliness but like the first book it’s writing itself. 

Apr 2, 12:19PM EDT0
Why do you think it's important for survivors to talk about their feelings?
Apr 1, 6:10AM EDT0

Our inner most feelings as children were repressed and silenced. That can be expressed as adults into rage or addictions because we don’t know it’s safe to share our truths. Sharing the pain leads to a fuller more realized adult life. 

Apr 1, 12:33PM EDT0
Have your methods for coping with sexual abuse changed over time?
Mar 31, 7:18PM EDT0

Good question. They were very primal in the beginning with lots of baths, many anxiety attacks... a lot of fear. I was in therapy every week for 2 years. Now I have more of a handle on my inner feelings and values and my learnings are on a new level. I still need lots of emotional support from people in recovery but my functioning in the real world with confidence is more prevelant. 

Apr 1, 12:36PM EDT0
What's your advice for other women who may feel too scared or ashamed to get help?
Mar 31, 1:00PM EDT0

You need to work through the shame first and get strong with a few select people and then you branch out. There is always s first step to reach out and while that is the hardest, it gets easier from there. 

Mar 31, 5:49PM EDT0
How long does it typically take for someone to recover from sexual abuse?
Mar 29, 9:23PM EDT0

This is completely individual but it is the repression of the truth that keeps the survivor stuck in recovery. Once we start to get clear on our desire to create a new story and heal, it can be a few years. There are a lot of gifts in recovery and the survivor often has a higher sense of awareness through the work. 

Mar 30, 12:54AM EDT0
What can a person who is a friend to someone who has been sexually abused do to help them through their struggles?
Mar 29, 10:20AM EDT0

Just listen when they want to share and don't try and fix them.  The healing is in its own time, and they just need to be witnessed and heard.  Using their voice to talk about what happened to someone safe is key.  Obviously if you think they are going to harm themselves, you can refer them to other treatment.

Mar 29, 11:11AM EDT0
What was the most difficult part to write in your book?
Mar 29, 10:13AM EDT0

The part about how abuse is passed down, and while I in no way sexually abused my own children, while I was in the denial of my own abuse as a child, I was disconnected with them and treated them sometimes in a harsh way.  Looking back at that when now I am so connected to them and safe was a hard pill to swallow. I am glad the chain of abuse is over though.

Mar 29, 11:13AM EDT0
How long did it take you to be sexually comfortable with yourself and with a partner?
Mar 29, 8:59AM EDT0

I have always been sexual.  It is not my story that I was withdrawn.  In fact, the sexuality always made me feel like I was connected to my partner to where I would stay longer than I should as they were not right for me.  I used the sexuality as a meter of my safety,

Mar 29, 11:14AM EDT0
Are there any organizations that help survivors of sexual abuse that you could recommend?
Mar 28, 2:43PM EDT0

I did not work with any organizations but I was in 12 step recovery in three programs which I talk about in my book that helped me share my pain and emotions. Sadly there are not enough National organizations but if you google local state organizations there are non profits  

Mar 28, 4:58PM EDT0
For someone going through sexual abuse, what is some advice that you can give to them?
Mar 28, 9:57AM EDT0

Talk about your abuse as much as possible and do not be ashamed by what was done to you. It was not your fault and you deserve the best life you can aspire to. 

Mar 28, 4:52PM EDT0
Do you feel that writing about your experiences made you feel a bit better?
Mar 28, 7:00AM EDT0

Absolutely. It changed my life and my recovery completely. 

Mar 28, 4:51PM EDT0
How should children who are being abused speak up? Who should they go to for help?
Mar 27, 7:43PM EDT0

It really varies but they should be able to tell a family member or a teacher. We need to raise awareness so kids know how to tell because what can  stand in their way is persuasion by a loved one who is abusing them. 

Mar 27, 10:03PM EDT0
What do you do as a career? Does it have anything to do with your experiences?
Mar 27, 6:54PM EDT0

I am an intuitive book coach and I help women heal through using their voices in words. My experience working through the trauma and writing a book is a large part of my becoming a book coach, but I was making movies for decades before that. 

Mar 27, 10:06PM EDT0
What are the common feelings and effects that sexual assault survivors display, and what are the ways in which one can better identify the signs of a victim?
Mar 27, 11:46AM EDT0

I specifically address adults who are not facing abuse and are repressing their truth. Their abuse manifests in addictions, low self worth, money issues, sexually acting out... but often they are good at hiding their issues. That is why when a survivor is ready to face their truth the healing starts. 

Mar 27, 10:10PM EDT0
What were some of the failures you experienced during writing, and how did they change you and your process?
Mar 27, 8:41AM EDT0

There are no failures in writing and I never let anyone who writes a book with me feel they failed. Perfectionism is a trait to keep us from being vulnerable with others. There is no right or wrong in telling your truth. 

Mar 27, 8:49AM EDT0
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