AMA about love, sex, romance. Do you want to improve your relationship or explore a sexual dimension as a couple? Crack the code for pleasure & intimacy.

Janalee Beck
Mar 12, 2018

As author of How to Have Multiple OrgasmsSextastic! Improve Your Love Life in Seven Weeks, I want to help couples get a better connection, enjoy heightened sex, & resolve challenges. Be your own B.O.S.S. by learning simple concepts:

  •       Breath from your belly.
  •        Obey your body's instincts.
  •        Sense passion every moment.
  •        Specify your needs & desires.

www.wisewords4women.com

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Do you believe in love at first sight?
Mar 19, 5:53PM EDT0

Hello Janalee, Do you have courses, retreats or session in which the code of pleasure is cracked? If this is the case, do you work with a team? 

Mar 16, 8:02AM EDT0
What is one thing you would change about the way the world views dating and why?
Mar 14, 8:40AM EDT0

Everyone deserves to feel loved, valued, appreciated and respected. However, the only way to GET that is to GIVE it. In short, get your own life in order before entering the dating world. If this means delay dating for a few months to get your mind/body in stable shape, so be it.

That said, the one thing I would ask daters to do is:  1) Be clear on what your goal is on a date (sex or long-term potential, companionship etc), 2) Be honest on the date. 3) Be true to yourself (not what you think your date is looking for.) 4) Relax. It's just a date. Enjoy the moments.

Mar 15, 6:25PM EDT0
Does romance disappear or is it a matter of becoming too comfortable in a relationship and no longer trying?
Mar 14, 5:33AM EDT0

Romance doesn't have to disappear. Many people are in committed long-term relationships who still manage to enjoy the love, sex, and companionship. Of course, life has it's ups & downs, affecting one or both partners. If one party is no longer "trying", then the other has an obligation to support & pick up the romantic activities. 

Studies have shown that vintage people (60+ age group) enjoy passionate kissing and love-making more than any other age group. This is anecdotal and it's good news for the younger crowd to realize that good, healthy sex can last for many many years.

Mar 15, 6:31PM EDT0
What are some of the ways in which a new relationship can negatively affect one's work-life, and how can a person maintain a healthy balance when in a new romance?
Mar 14, 3:43AM EDT0

We've all heard it before, "You have to set boundaries." The reason is boundaries are necessary for any relationship. The dopamine & serotonin goes crazy in the beginning of a new relationship. Recognize that truth. On busy work days, be the mature one. 

Stay in touch via texting or a phone call. If your partner is worth his or her salt, they will understand that you can't see them every waking moment.  Down the road, this is the better way to maintain healthy communication. Sometimes, your partner might tell you they have an important task or job, which precludes them from seeing you. Don't make a mountain over a molehill.  Boundaries serve both partners well in the long run. It's short-sighted to otherwise allow a new partner to take up more time than is actually necessary to keep the relationship moving forward. 

Mar 15, 6:39PM EDT0
What is the best way to break up with a person that one still cares about but does not love?
Mar 14, 3:43AM EDT0

This is an age-old question.  Assuming the person you're breaking up with someone who is not in any way a violent, the best way is to do so in private. Be firm, yet gentle. Make sure you are both sitting down. Have water available. Be direct. Say some variation of the following:

"I care about you so much. Believe me, I've thought this through for several weeks and I always come to the same conclusion.  It's time for me to move forward from our romantic relationship. I hope we can part ways in a friendly manner."

Don't use the worn-out phrase, "I just want to be friends." Some partners just can't be friends with there exes. Plus, you might not want to see this person again, especially if you know they still love you. Be the bigger person and try to walk in there shoes. Don't put them in more pain. 

In most cases, your partner will ask you why you're breaking up, keep it simple. Tell the truth in a kind way. "I'm looking for someone that has the same core values as me."  Or "We want different things in life. You don't want children and I do eventually." Or "It seems to me you only take care of your health (fill in the blank) because I nag you and I don't like the way that makes me feel." 

Give them some explanation to hold onto. Otherwise, they'll always want closure. Your straight talk allows the other to move forward more easily, no matter how hard it might be for them. 

Mar 15, 6:59PM EDT0
Is there any advice that you can offer a person that has experienced some form of abuse and has lost hope in terms of finding love?
Mar 12, 8:05PM EDT0

Never lose hope. Actually, abuse usually requires professional help and is beyond my expertise. That said, work on yourself first and gain self-confidence by becoming competent in different aspects of your life (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. Become worthy of love. Then seek love in sacred places.

If you don't know where to start, I recommend my eBook, Unwrap Your Wisdom, on my website wisewords4wisdom.com. You will learn about forgiveness, self-esteem, personal transformation and more. 

Mar 12, 8:51PM EDT0
Which type of relationship has a better chance of survival, a relationship of comfort or one filled with passion and why?
Mar 12, 6:18PM EDT0

I have a theory about decent men. I believe there are basically two types: 1) the King Arthur type and 2) the Sir Lancelot type. Most girls dream of type #2 or a prince charming who sweeps you off your feet.  While dreaming, why not make him good-looking, broad-shouldered with wavy dark hair? He never lacks for words. He writes poetry or makes analogies about his affection for you. He may pick the flowers himself rather than buy a bouquet. Yes, he's attentive and faithful; he's loving and supportive. Above all, the Sir Lancelot types are so passionate that they can hardly keep their hands off of you.

The downside? Sometimes they put you on a pedestal you might not deserve. They may treat you like you're more than human and that's impossible to live up to. It's easy to fall in love with a man who's totally devoted to you. Do make sure you're compatible on levels other than the flesh.

With both types, make sure you answer these questions honestly? Do you share common values? Can you have authentic conversations? Are you compatible mentally, emotionally, and socially? If so, love him well in return.

Not all women are alike. Some ladies prefer the King Arthur type. By comparison, they may seem less flashy. These men may not ever write you poetry, but they are steady, faithful mates. While they may appear a bit detached in public, they save all their passion for the bedroom. A trade-off worth more than rubies. 

#1 King Arthur types are devoted to their wives or girlfriends and he will stand by through thick and thin. Since he sees the world through more black and white lenses than Sir Lancelot, he's unable to exaggerate the truth. They might say, Whatever you think is best, honey, when asked which outfit you should wear that night. You can bet he means what he says; his "I love you" is heartfelt. 

In short, your question is a complex and tricky one.

Believe me, both types of men can be passionate comforting in their own way. The two characteristics reside on a continuum and are not mutually-exclusive based on the personality type of a particular man.

Every partnership involves a series of trade-offs. The question is, What degree of compromise are you willing to live with and still be happy?  

Last edited @ Mar 18, 1:50AM EDT.
Mar 18, 1:37AM EDT0
What are some of the ways in which a person can determine their partner's interest in a long-term commitment?
Mar 12, 5:26PM EDT0

Well I wouldn't be asking on the second date, but after several weeks of compatibility, you get a sense of what's going on. Nothing is wrong with asking if your partner wants to date exclusively for 90 days and evaluate after that time period. If someone can't do that, then what's the point?

Mar 12, 6:42PM EDT0
In what ways does having similar morals and values affect a relationship?
Mar 12, 5:25PM EDT0

This is crucial. Values and morals direct the choices we make in life. This includes loving  partnerships. If your partner has no moral compass, How will they treat you every day in good times or bad? You deserve a moral equivalency.

Mar 12, 6:45PM EDT0
How do you reflect both your personal style and your writing style through your blog design?
Mar 12, 4:31PM EDT0

I'm more of a conversational writer. I want my readers to feel like we're having a glass of wine and taking at the kitchen table. 

Mar 12, 8:08PM EDT0
What kind of processes can a couple use to communicate openly and respectfully with each other?
Mar 12, 3:21PM EDT0

My favorite one is a Focused Language-Intimacy Exchange. One partner asks the other, on a scale from 1 to 100, where do you see our current level of intimacy? Where do you want it to be? What can i do to bring it from say, a 75 to a 95?

Then just listen. No debate. No criticism. No judging. Just let it percolate. Do this 2x/month for 10minutes and watch your communication and intimacy grow. 

Mar 12, 6:56PM EDT0
Is the need to mourn the relationship after a breakup necessary for closure or is re-establishing one’s presence in the dating game as soon as possible a better option, and why?
Mar 12, 3:20PM EDT0

I'm a strong believer in the grieving process. A loss is s loss. Read, exercise, meditate, sing, cry, sleep, eat...whatever feels right. According to Daniels Gilbert's book, Stumbling Onto Happiness, humans get over most any loss, with a few exceptíns, after 90 days.  Then get back on the horse. It's not fair going into your next relationship obsessing ové someone else.           

Mar 12, 7:01PM EDT0
What professional qualifications do you have and how do these qualifications help you in your career?
Mar 12, 12:39PM EDT0

I have over 23 years of experience as a teacher, trainer, seminar presenter, adjunct faculty member & blogger/writer. So, yes. Particular skills are needed in a variety of career choices. Do whatever  it takes to gain the skills required. Your unique personality or talent makes you unique.

Mar 12, 7:07PM EDT0
What are some suggestions of how a person can deal with the temptation of contacting a one-night stand?
Mar 12, 12:10PM EDT0

This is only a temptation if you are in a committed relationship. Ever hear of self-pleasuring? It's cheap, efficient, does not involve talking, and is safe.

Mar 12, 7:10PM EDT0
In your experience, what is the biggest obstacle singles find when attempting to find a partner?
Mar 12, 9:11AM EDT0

Looking for perfection. Being desperate. Lack of self esteem.

Mar 12, 7:14PM EDT0
What are your thoughts on platforms such as Tinder and Grinder as a means of speeding up the dating process?
Mar 12, 2:27AM EDT0

Whatever works. As with anything, don't get addicted to it.

Mar 12, 7:18PM EDT0
How will you handle ugliness and criticism in the comments section of your blog and in what ways does it affect your motivation to help others and ability to write?
Mar 11, 11:07PM EDT0

Honestly, I'm too old to worry about what other people think. They can kiss my ***!

Mar 12, 7:21PM EDT0
Why did you pursue this type of career?
Mar 11, 5:27PM EDT0

I've had three different careers and about five jobs, but nothing time goes by in a flash when I write or teach. That's when I feel the most alive.

Mar 12, 7:24PM EDT0
What were some of the failures you experienced during researching, writing and publishing your book, and how did they change you and your process?
Mar 11, 12:49PM EDT0

Heck, so many times I've failed. The writing was the easiest part.  My first book sold over 56,000, but my ebooks and 2nd book haven't gotten over the 5,000 mark. So it's s time-consuming process to market and get the word out.  Learn from mistakes or be doomed to repeat them is the old adage. Perhaps I let the love and support carry me through until my next project. I am compelled not to quit. I also have other things in my life that I enjoy doing. 

Mar 12, 7:32PM EDT0
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